The key to unlocking pleasure, Pleasure Mapping made simple
In an ideal world every person would know what they like sexually and what brings them pleasure, but we are well aware that the world is not ideal and pleasure is not always easy to attain. Pleasure mapping, a term coined by Kenneth Play a self proclaimed ‘sex hacking’ expert, Sex educator and Coach, is a tool that can be used to bring you closer in touch with your sexual needs and your desires. Have you ever practiced Pleasure Mapping before? If yes, how was it for you? Let us know in the comments below.
How could you not know?
Experiencing bodily pleasure is something that sounds great in theory, but can be challenging for some to embrace, especially if there is a history of trauma. Have you ever felt unsure of what you like or do not like sexually? Have you ever felt disconnected from your body during sex? Have you ever felt uncertain how to please your partner? If you answered yes to any of these questions Pleasure Mapping might be a key to you having more fulfilling sex and better communnication with your partner(s). Speaking about sex can be challenging for those of us who grew up in a sex negative world, so if you are stuggling with this know that you are not alone.
Have a Beginner mindset
I encourage you to enter into Pleasure Mapping with an open mind and a sense of curiosity; you may be surprised at what can come to the surface when you approach things this way. It is important to know that pleasure shifts. If you are someone who is experienced with sex you may have a certain way of approaching things with yourself or with a partner, but if you allow yourself the opportunity to try new things you may discover pleasure in new experiences. If you are newer to sex or sexual arousal Pleasure Mapping could allow you the opportunity to get to know yourself more intimately. Once you are able to have a better understanding of yourself and what brings you pleasure this information could be more easily shared with future partners. You could also share this experience of pleasure mapping with a partner if that feels safe for you.
Tips for the pleasure mapping novice
The ‘goal’ of pleasure mapping is not to have an orgasm, of course it would be lovely if an orgasm does occur, most importantly pleasure mapping is a tool that can be used to explore different bodily sensations and experiences to find what exactly brings you pleasure.
If you have experienced trauma and are having a difficult time connecting with your body, or it feels unsafe, I would suggest seeking some professional support from a Therapist, Sexological bodyworker or Reiki healer etc. Everyone is different so it is important to find the support that is right for you.
With that being said, here are some things you can try, on your own or with a partner(s), to get you started with pleasure mapping.
Take your time
It’s a nice idea to set aside a nice chunk of time to practice Pleasure Mapping. This gives your body time to relax, and you the chance to try many different approaches.
Arousal does not have to be part of Pleasure mapping but sensation is experienced differently when the body is aroused so if you are able to build a bit of erotic charge this may give you a fresh perspective on sensations.
We may be unknowingly holding tension in our bodies which includes our genitals. Gentle breathing exercises can help to relax the body including the pelvis which can change how you experience sensation.
Try E-V-E-R-Y- T- H-I-N-G
Experiment with some of these sensations and see what feedback your body gives.
Pressure- do you like light pressure of heavier sensations?
Speed- do you like this slower or faster paced? Does this change?
Temperature- does adding warm or cool this into the mix change your experience of sensation?
Pattern- for example with citoral stimulation do you prefer, tapping, even pressure, a circular motion etc?
Nothing is off limits, and the best way to find what feels good is to try loads of different approaches.
Lastly, and most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Remember that it will take time for your body to unlearn the past and feel safe to allow in new experiences. I would encourage you all to explore pleasure mapping even just once and I am sure you will learn something new about yourself. When you do, be sure to check back and let us know how it went in the comments below.